Led by their pre-eminent but lubricious captain, Gerard Lucas, Sooz Boyz easily won the right to challenge Underdogs for the A grade Veteran’s table tennis title. The ‘Boyz winning margin was six rubbers to three against Sheedy Pies and they are feeling pretty confident of knocking off Steve Clayton’s Underdogs in the big one. The hero for the winners was none other than that puissant sheik of tweak, Gerard Lucas, who flogged three opponents with a real feisty mixture of sheer class and arrogance. Lucas has a nasty streak to him when confronted with the big challenges of life, such as ensuring his team had another crack at knocking off Clayton’s mob in the grand final. Big Gezza has the ability to draw on every ounce of dyslectic talent he has at his disposal and if you had to pick a man to fight to the death to save the planet, Lucas is your man. He’s meaner than a junkyard dog, but he is actually the quintessential table tennis player and success just follows this boy. That, incidentally, was the hardest paragraph I’ve had to compose for two years!
Lucas’ Hatchet Man, Peter Crane, won one of the two rubbers he contested but he would not be happy with his loss to the cross-eyed goal umpire, Peter Anson. Crane tends to get a bit nervous during the blockbuster games and he just might be the weak link when the pressure mounts. Having said that, Crane could easily do a Teddy Whitten and “Stick it up ‘em” with a virtuoso performance that we may remember for a long time. There is huge pressure on this man, is he up to it?
Sue Irvin is a bit of a problem for Lucas at the moment. She scored a big zero in the two games she contested and you have to wonder how she will handle the big crowd, the media attention and her nemesis, Peter Moore, when she steps up onto centre stage during the grand final. The girl does have class and it will probably come down to her match with Moore to decide the winners.
The poor old ‘Pies got off to a crook start and never recovered against Lucas’ lucent, lunatics. If the Pies were to win their captain, Maurice Jolly, had to knock off Lucas to have any chance. Poor old Mozza was a battered and sorry shell of his former self and his longhaired, unwashed hippie fans in the cheap seats had to resort to their sweet smelling cigarettes to gain any enjoyment from the evening. Jolly won one of the two rubbers he contested, but he remains one of our most popular but broken down ageing superstars of yesteryear. Peter Anson also had the same scoreline as Jolly and he can now concentrate on performing brilliantly as a goal umpy during the local footy finals. Anson is a put ‘em up wack ‘em down sort of a player and he will feature prominently in the Peter Humphries medal for the Best & Fairest. Annette Moore, snuck into the line up as a late replacement for John Crane and she snared one win and two losses. She doesn’t need any more publicity.
Who will win the grand final? I’ll stick with my prediction and say that Lucas with hold the premiership silverware aloft tonight at ten thirty.
Mia defeated Black Bears six rubbers to four in a great little battle. Mia have lost the plot on several occasions during the season and you would think long and hard about backing them in a one-horse race in case they fell at the first hurdle. Last week I suggested that Mia was an acronym for Missing In Action, but after their last effort they reckon it means Mighty In Attack. Captain Milton Thomas was simply inspiring as he smashed his way to three stunning victories. Thomas is a cagey old bugger who obviously would have been a sporting champion during the halcyon era of the 1920’s and 30’s. Thomas had his boys tuned up very nicely for this cut throat battle and they are looking forward to making a name for themselves in the grand final. Thommo has to beat the Messiah, Stewie McIntosh, if his team is to have any chance of claiming the cup. He can’t go in with the usual game plan or old Stewie will just smash him and chuck him down the girgler. Anne De Vries won one of the two rubbers he contested and he is jumping out of his skin to go into battle and immerse himself in table tennis immortality. De Vries is a real stayer and does have the pedigree to win his required two games and this man does like the pressure of the big stage. Ian Clare, a fascinating young man, also claimed one rubber and he must get ugly if his team is to get over the line.
The Bears were absolutely disconsolate after their loss because they knew that nobody remembers who finishes second or third in premiership battles. Captain Allan Austin won one of the two rubbers he contested and he can now resume his burgeoning career as a highflying banking executive. The Austin Powers groupie added a bit of flair and down right larrikinism around the packs and he was a great acquisition to our rat pack of senior citizens. Gay Forsyth, I told you she was a champion, played beautifully for two magnificent wins and she has had a great season. Forsyth has terrific concentration and a fierce will to win and her fans were never disappointed in any of her performances during the season. Carol Lawrence was the key to the Bear’s chance of winning and it is most unfortunate that I have to report that big Cazza won absolutely no games. Lawrence’s form leading to the finals has been outstanding but she crashed in a big heap of chicken poo when the stakes were at their highest. She just forgot all her lines when she arrived centre stage and it was a disappointing ending to an otherwise sparkling season for the young lady.
In the grand final, McIntosh’s Bombers should annihilate Mia and if they don’t, every drug test in the nation will be used to uncover which banned substances have been used.
John Kane