Alois Kniebeiss, the man with the funny name and the constant grin on his dial, has finally shed his Mr Nice Guy image during the latest round of A grade Veteran’s table tennis. I don’t know what upset Kniebeiss but he was in no smiling mood as he smashed the doors open to enter the stadium. He was as angry as ten men and whatever he was high on, I want some too! The endangered Telstra “techie” has not played regularly for a few years and he is just recapturing the stunning form he once had before exiting the game in controversial circumstances 5 years ago. This angry man did not smile once as he obliterated his three opponents with chilling ease and he even muttered aloud that he might just ice Clayton, Menzel and Lucas in coming weeks. I like the boy! Kniebeiss won his three rubbers but this was the only success for Hayseeds as they completely collapsed against Sheedy Pies in an eight rubbers to three smashing. The heroics displayed by Kniebeiss did absolutely nothing for his partners, Keith Bell and Robyn Donovan, but they were up against some pretty mean, but talented grumpy old horse flesh. The Pies are having a magnificent season and despite the little hic-up with the angry ant, Kniebeiss, they are just coasting to finals action in August. The testudinal looking troika of Maurice Jolly, Peter Anson and John Crane each won two rubbers, plus both doubles, to take the heat out of the situation and restore their composure as the top team.
*Kel Kath and Kim posted a surprise seven rubbers to four win over Gasconades and, as a result, have snuck into the four for the first time this season. The KKK’s are just nuisance value and they will be missing in action when the serious stuff is played during July leading to the finals. KKK captain, John Kane, managed to stop talking for ten minutes and annoying the hell out of anybody that caught his gaze and he proceeded to smash his three opponents off the court. Kane is a recalcitrant character on occasions but he had all the answers for the dangerous Gasconades. The foxy lady Annette Moore and an ebullient Bill Edge both won a single rubber, plus both doubles, to snuff out any resistance from their foes. For the Gasconades, Geoff Elkins and Greg Whelan won two rubbers each but that dangerous little underworld figure, Frankie “Knuckles” Marcollo, was looking over his shoulder all night for a stray bullet and was a nervous wreck with absolutely no wins.
*Underdogs crushed Ding Bats eight rubbers to three in a powerful display of arrogance and skill. The only interesting thing about this game was the bet made by Association President, Rob Penny, that I couldn’t use the word “exigency” in this report. Well, I just did and you owe me $10 old fella! For the second time this season, Steve Clayton soundly defeated Ian Menzel to again assert his complete dominance in the Veteran’s competition this season. In addition to Clayton’s three wins, Peter Menzel won two rubbers and Peter “Mongrel” Moore added one win to the ledger. Clayton’s beautiful wife, Kelly, never misses a game and she just laughs at her husband’s opponents as they trudge off the court, one after the other, humiliated and rather struthious. She does make a very nice muffin, by the way.
Ian Menzel won two rubbers and Fred Onnen a single but Raelene Roberts had a real dirty night with absolutely no wins at all – not even against Moore.
*In the remaining game, Sooz Boyz had an easy seven rubbers to four win over Ephemerals to share top spot on the ladder. That narcissistic old newspaper man, Gerard Lucas, was brilliant in winning his three games and this man just has that Eddie Maguire look of confidence about him. Big Gezza is having another monster season and he is one of the few left-handers that you see in sport who has a little bit of ability. Lucas’ hatchet man, Peter Crane, again won his required two rubbers and this man is just pure, unadulterated danger with a bat. Crane is cruel and calculating in his approach to the game and he just loves ripping your spleen out when he has you against the ropes. The high powered little furniture entrepreneur, Sue Irvin, chimed in for one beautiful win to complete the carnage for the winners. For the Ephemerals, that languid little, loquacious leprechaun, Denys Dodd, played courageously for two great wins but Kevin Fitzgerald really crashed with only one win to his name. Wendy Colcott scored a blob but went down swinging.
B Grade:
Top side Bombers, with only players, still had enough fire power to shoot down a gallant Jumaro six rubbers to five in a tense little battle. That living legend, Stewart McIntosh, again led by example by clobbering his three opponents into submission. Like Clayton in A grade, old Stewie is smashing the old fogies in B grade. How can he be so old, yet so dammed good? His partner in crime, Lauleti Tuinauvai, also won three matches and he has really announced his arrival in our great game in stunning circumstances. Tuinauvai is one of the happiest blokes you will ever see in your life and he just adds a much needed bit of class around the packs. The Jumaro trio of rotten Ronny Gledhill, Elizabeth McDonald and Julie Mason each won one rubber against the person who didn’t front up. How tough is that?
*Mia continued on its merry way with an easy seven rubbers win over Blue Heelers. An elderly yet switched on little unit of Milton Thomas, Anne De Vries and Ian Clare all won two rubbers each to completely wear down their opponents with ruthless consistency. These lads ain’t pretty and you wouldn’t employ any of them but they can all play table tennis under pressure. The poor old Heelers were just not up to the task and finally wilted under the blowtorch treatment. Gerald Healy’s three wins were the only individual success for the Heelers. Healy is as tough as old boots and he just loves to spank opponents on a Thursday night.
*Black Bears just got over the line against Ravens, six rubbers to five in a great little contest. Bears captain, Alan Austin, has a fair bit of talent at his disposal and they know how to turn it on when required. In addition to big Al’s two wins, Gay Forsyth won two and Carol Lawrence one important scalp. For the Ravens their perennial champion, Shirley Thomas, was simply stunning as she spanked three opponents in a frenzied attack. She’s not bad, this old girl, and she demands extra respect. Rhonda Ritchie tried hard for one win but Shirley Garner just could not sink an opponent.
*In the final match, Three Wise Monkeys returned to the winner’s list with a scintillating seven rubbers to four win over Ravens. The Monkeys shy, reserved, introverted and timid little pocket rocket, Helen White, was absolutely ecstatic after their victory and if the tree huggers win next week, keep clear of Whitey! Jeff Schurmann and White won two rubbers and young Gwenny Charman a single. Belles superstar, Sue Wythe, was simply magnificent in winning three rubbers and she always does the heavy work for this mob. Elaine Grey tried real hard for one win but Deanna Dunn had one of those dirty nights when everything went shockingly wrong for the young lady.
John Kane