Gerard Lucas has claimed consecutive A grade Veteran’s singles table tennis titles after a night of multiple upsets and drama. Lucas is now approaching that superstar status only reserved for leviathans of our sport such as Sir Peter Humphries, Doug Ward and Graham Doherty. Lucas went through the entire evening undefeated and he thoroughly deserved this prestigious title.
Leading up to the grand final, Lucas defeated a gallant Greg Whelan in one semi final and Maurice Jolly surprised Steve Clayton in the other. All the smart dough was on Clayton for the group one event and the bookies were not taking any more bets on Clayton, such was his favouritism with the great unwashed punters. Jolly was just too old, too cunning, too slippery and too mean for the disbelieving Clayton as the former hippie reject from Nimbin towelled him up. Jolly looks more like Wally Wombat than a finely tuned athlete but he is a magnificent table tennis player that can skin you alive if you take pity on this aging gentleman.
Whelan is just meaner than cat poo at the moment and he really hates losing, especially to old people. Whelan is a menacing looking colossus when you face him across the table and he will eviscerate you as soon as you drop your guard. Despite his size, Whelan has great reflexes and the full range of shots to blast his opponents off the court. The crowd love it also when he gets wild and talks to himself.
With the preliminaries out of the way, Lucas and Jolly strode onto centre court in front of a large crowd who just couldn’t believe the odds on favourite, Clayton, was having a cup of tea and not part of the action.
It was just great to see two really old blokes having a red hot go and the crowd were very animated until the end. The contest was played in fantastic spirit and these two boys really know how to entertain the fans in the cheap seats. Lucas had all the answers to Jolly’s spinning game and, like all champions, he uses the big punishing forehand smash to stunning advantage.
Lucas has finally arrived as a big table tennis name, a situation he has coveted for eons, and I just pity those poor people in the “Spectator” office who have to suffer this man over the coming weeks.
B Grade:
The upsets continued in this grade as most of the favoured players were joining Clayton on the sidelines enjoying a bitter cup of Earl Grey tea. Lauleti Tuinauvai (what a magnificent name that is) was just one of the beautiful people of Coleraine two weeks ago and he has been plucked from obscurity to winning the B grade singles championship. They should make a movie about this man, originally from the friendly islands of Tonga and a former light heavyweight boxing champion.
This boy has been playing as a replacement for the last weeks and decided to try his luck in the club championships. I don’t know if it was his menacing sounding name that scared his opponents, but Tuinauvai just cut down anybody who got in his way in a powerful display of aggression and silky skills.
Tuinauvai’s opponent in the final was Gerald Healy, a man who has loads of talent and money. Healy would have backed himself at short odds to ice the big Tongan blow-in and he was feeling pretty good about the situation. Healy has immense concentration and a determined will to win and he was not going to be intimidated by the colonial from Coleraine.
Tuinauvai cut Healy to pieces in no time and the crowd just couldn’t believe how easy it all was. The former islander has gone from garage table tennis champion against his kids to B grade champ in one easy move and he just reckons life is sensational at the moment. As is the tradition with the friendly Tongan citizens, Tuinauvai shouted his Coleraine travelling buddies some beautiful slugs of kava to help him celebrate his unlikely win.
The only thing the new champ has to address is the quality of his equipment. This man has the ugliest, cheapest and noisiest bat in the southern hemisphere, even crappier than Barry Hay’s bat! Each time he returns the ball, the bat makes a “pock” sound that obviously upset Healy and the other opponents.
Other than that little problem, Tuinauvai is just happiness on a stick and he is a worthy champion on a shoestring budget!
John Kane